Patience and Trust

Sometimes you need to go backwards to move forward. Sometimes when you’re lost, you need to just stop the car before you can proceed. Sometimes in labor you may even need to get upside down to let your baby back up off your pelvis and re-enter at a slightly different angle. And sometimes you need to get really unhappy before you’re motivated to figure out what you need.
Basically, sometimes we need to STOP WALKING INTO A WALL. We need to STOP, maybe reverse just a little, and take a moment to see the paths around the blockade.
And then… sometimes…
We need to run, with force, right into the wall.
And create a sudden drop in atmospheric pressure that leads to a storm.
Bina had a 102 degree fever this morning. My dear husband has started a new career. Basically, there’s been a lot going on. There have been some major upheavals in my family, and for friends who are like family to me. I hope most of you are having an idyllic, languid summer, but it has felt like something unsettling is in the air for most everyone with whom I’ve spoken.
The air has been thick, we’ve had a HEAT wave, and now boom – 60 degrees.
So where’s my storm?
I thought I needed a drastic storm. I was sure that when it rains, our new baby will be born. And maybe it will. At some point we’ll have a rain – a hard, cathartic, healing, cleansing rain.
But the temp already dropped, and 3 dear babies in my life were already born before the storm. So maybe my personal lesson for the moment is the one I started with. No armor, bracing to run into the wall. For now, reversing, or just stopping, and practicing what I preach – patience and trust.
And some of the work of walking will dissipate. Our feet will get unstuck from slow steps. And we forget with temporary intoxication all that got stuck in the air, we feel light and playful, it will be an innocent summer day… with a giant golden sun and just a few feathery passing clouds to take the edge off.
And our hearts will grow another notch again. Like the rings along the circumference of a tree. Not innocent but just as good. Our hearts will hold and give a little bit more again. As it does each time we start the cycle of holding our challenges and moving to the next stage, marked yet healed.

“When the heart cries for something which it has lost, the soul rejoices for that which it has gained” -Rumi

Written in an admittedly pensive and poignant moment, but with a light and happy disposition,

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One thought on “Patience and Trust

  1. Julia,
    Your beautiful writing made my day. We sometimes need words that reflect being human instead of being perfect. I wonder if you mind if I quote you in an e mail for a friend who is going through some tough times now? I want to borrow your first 2 lines and then the one about having to get really unhappy to find out what is needed. thanks again. Best of everything with your next birth. love Carol